My first wind instrument, not counting of course the recorder I played as an even younger child, was a trombone. In fact, it remained my primary musical instrument–apart from voice–for many years. Hence my chuckle when I read the following in a contemporary Holmesian short story, The Adventure of the Lost World by Dominic Green
“…I consider it normal to see a man’s life taken from him by another for the pursuit of criminal gain, Watson; but it is rare indeed for him to be eaten afterwards.”
Even I, who have been in Afghanistan, was appalled. “Surely not.”
“Just so, Watson. In the past seven days, on Hampstead Heath, there have been seven attacks upon street musicians, each the player of a trombone of some description, and each attacked, if those who heard the attacks are to be believed, whilst executing the closing bars of Gustav Holst’s Thaxted [see below the fold–ed.]. In each case, the victim appears to have been attacked from above, the flesh crushed and cut, the bones splintered, the capital extremity entirely missing in many cases. Each victim’s body was also notable for the stench of corruption which hung about it, like gas gangrene.”
“Accidental death has been ruled out, then? A recurrent trombone malfunction of some order—”
“—has already been checked for… [emphasis added-ed.]
*heh* “A recurrent trombone malfunction of some order… ” There were times… (Ah, the memories!)
“No, no, Watson! Blowing one’s head off from excessive back pressure developed while playing ones instrument is much more common among oboe players!”
*ROFLKASTMAFO*
Later, when I’d given up trombone for other instruments, other musical pursuits, when I taught budding musicians, I noted that the flute players were always the most cooperative, compliant and studious of instrumentalists, while the trombone players (and drummers–not to be confused with percussionists*) were generally the clowns and “martini lifters” (and the trumpet players the “weight lifters”–the “jocks” of the band). Again, there were times… *heh*
Here’s a particularly mediocre performance of “I Vow to Thee My Country” which is a common setting of THRAXTON (A tune adapted from a theme derived from Holst’s Jupiter movement of The Planets) as offered by The University Glee Club of New Haven, which says of itself,
“Membership is open to all men who love to sing! We are a non-audition Club. You are welcome to attend any rehearsal, meet our members and sing with us on a trial basis
Vocal training, ability to read music or prior glee glub [sic] or choral music experience is not required for membership.”
The qualifiers noted above are obvious from the performance, such as it is:
[audio:http://thirdworldcounty.us/audio/10-I_Vow_To_Thee_My_Country.mp3]Well, at least it gives you some idea what the trombone players’ offense was… *heh* To be fair to the guys attempting this arrangement, a simple substitution would likely solve all the problems the group demonstrates. (Replace the director.) I do wonder, though, why did the audience applaud at the end?
Oh, slight “inside baseball” musicological note: the names for song tunes such as this are normally noted ALL CAPS, something the author of the short story apparently isn’t aware of.
*The difference between a drummer, a percussionist and a musician?
Drummer walks around with sticks in his back pocket.
Percussionist carries a bag of really cool tools for hitting things.
Musician knows how to use them–the sticks and tools and such like.