From 1986 to 1996, Herman Cain and I had an ongoing affair. Over many dozens of encounters, Herman made me pizzas, even bringing them to my home, a sure sign of his devotion.
Oh, wait. You say he was chairman of Godfather’s Pizza? Hmmm, perhaps our relationship wasn’t as close as I thought. And on second thought, the Domino’s guys who delivered didn’t really look all that much like Cain, either.
Darn. In the current Mass MEdia Podpeople Hivemind Cain bashing kerfuffle, “I coulda been a contenda.”
Oh, well. At least my claim is more believable than that from Cain’s latest accuser. As Ann Coulter put it,
Gennifer Flowers produced taped telephone calls with Clinton totaling thousands of words between them, with him counseling her on how to deny their affair: “If they ever hit you with it, just say no, and go on. There’s nothing they can do … But when they — if somebody contacts you, I need to know … All you got to do is deny it.”
Paula Jones had multiple same-day witnesses — including the state troopers who worked for Clinton and had already told the press about a “Paula” they brought to Clinton’s hotel room. And that was for a single incident.
Monica Lewinsky had lots of gifts from Clinton, including a hat pin, two brooches, a marble bear figurine, a T-shirt from Martha’s Vineyard and Walt Whitman’s “Leaves of Grass,” all of which she mysteriously placed with Clinton’s secretary, Betty Currie, during the investigation, as well as a semen-stained dress, which Monica kept.
Ginger White claims she had a 13-year affair with Cain — and all she has are two books with inscriptions that could have been written to an auto mechanic who waited in line at a Cain book signing. Even her business partner during the alleged affair says White never mentioned Cain’s name.
These women are like triple-A ball players with the stats being: number of bankruptcies, smallest bank account, number of liens, most false claims, number of children out of wedlock, degrees of separation from David Axelrod, total trips to human resources and so on.
OK, Ann, no need to spike the ball.