Michael Flynn has quoted, and commented on, some interesting information about Thomas Disch,
“…part of the reason he quit writing science fiction was that, to deepen it into real art, ‘I would have to be like … Gene Wolfe and return to the Catholicism that I barely got away from when I was young–and I can’t do that, of course.’–Thomas M. Disch, 1940-2008, Joseph Bottum on Thomas M. Disch
In addition to Flynn’s comments on why he thinks Disch might (repeat: might) have felt a return to Catholicism would be necessary in order to deepen his fiction into art, Flynn also offers this speculation,
“As for the second, he may have thought that people suffering from illnesses are not welcome in a hospital.”
I can actually understand that sort of thought process in a person who’s left a church for whatever reason. Many congregations are closer to the Pharisees of Jesus’ day and are more likely to bury those they view as sinners under a heap of condemnation or smarmy false “pity” than welcome them into–or back into–the fold. In such congregations, it seems that The Nazarene’s parables of The Lost Sheep, The Lost Coin and The Loving Father (known to those who misplace the emphasis as The Prodigal Son) have been excised from their scriptures, or at least from their hearts.
I can understand if Disch thought going back to Catholicism might entail dealing with such a “welcome”. He might well have been correct. IF this were any part of the mental process that prevented him from returning to the religious roots of his youth. Big “if” as we have no way of asking him, of course.
Still, I have known enough church-going Pharisees to make Flynn’s speculation plausible. “Hospitals” that bury the wounded instead of helping them are really just slaughter houses.
Disch was forever embarrassed with himself, and, for far different reasons, I can empathize with his plight. How, after, all can a homosexual return to the faith, and if so the light shone upon him would have been most unwelcome. The whispers would forever be all about him, the glances, the nods, in his own mind at least. I sat in a nearly empty church upon returning from my 3rd tour in SE Asia and the hypocrisy of it all was palpable and oppressing. They’d know what I’d done, what I was, and at that time I was incapable of answering to anything on heaven or earth and didn’t want to test my answers to any of their queries. I was twisted, I limped, I was an old man at 22 and just knew they’d despise me. Saw them despising us every day on the news.
He took the wrong way out. He was a genius and we all lost a great deal when the gun went boom. I learned to grow young again but still cannot return to anything resembling a religion.
Fits, I have often found it comforting that The Nazarene said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest, “ (Matthew 11:28), AND NOT “Come, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, to organized religious pharisees who will seek to kill you with condemnation.”
And I am reminded that the great Apostle Paul consistently referred to himself as unworthy of the free gift of gracious forgiveness and acceptance that he found in Christ, though he was “the chief of sinners” and an enemy of God when he realized his condition.