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Precision Guided Humor Assignment Reminder: What consequences would you like to befall Newsweek for running the fake Koran-flushing story? due by 9pm EDT Wednesday, May 25th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.
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‘K Harvey, et al. Since I’m all full of sweetness and light, wouldn’t hurt a fly, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth, yadayadayada, here’s my modest proposal for a simple reminder to the Newsweak folks to do a little fact-checking (and to have a biopsy done on that ugly lump on their collective back: looks like malignant bias to anyone with two functioning brain cells) before running another lie:
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Every single solitary person who works for Newsweak in any capacity connected to any word that ever gets printed MUST be given a Swirly Tutorial by each and every member of the military stationed at Gitmo.
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That’s Â
- Line up all the dweebs who work for Newsweak.
- One at a time, the personnel at gitmo give swirlies to a single employee until the Gitmo personnel are too pooped to give that ONE dweeb another swirly. (Gonna take a while: those marines are in good shape.)
- Rest the Gitmo personnel for tomorrow’s lesson taught to the next Newsweak dweeb.
- Keep the newsweak dweebs standing in line while the Gitmo folks nap.
- Repeat with next Newsweak dweeb until all have toilet-fresh hair.
Combine each Speech-impaired Piscine’s* physical lesson with, “See? Your head’s smaller than the typical Koran, and it’s still not flushing down the toilet. Got it?” Eventually, some of them will learn. Maybe.
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Followup tutorial:
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If Newsweak dweebs repeat error of lying about the military in spite of Swirly Tutorial, next tutorial:
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“How to hold a target at Marine rifleman training.”
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*”Speech-impaired Piscine”—Dumb Bass, of course.
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