T-13, 1.2

Thursday 13? Sure, why not? 🙂

Surprise, surprise! (If you didn’t hear Gomer Pyle in your head when you read that, shame on you.) Continuing the theme of curmudgeonry from last week’s Thursday 13, here are 13 Things That Chap My Gizzard. In no particular order, here are 13 (of approximately 5,968) Things That Chap My Gizzard

1. Politicians *spit*. I don’t care if they are whiny, lying, sleezeball Democrats or chicken liver, lying sleezeball Republicans. The only good politician is one who doesn’t want the gig, is drafted, refuses to run and then reluctantly serves, leaving office as soon as it’s honorably possible. Both politicians who fit that description died WELL over 150 years ago, so…

2. Mass Media Podpeople. If they’re not lying to you, they’re figuring out how to make the truth sound/look like a lie so you’ll not believe it when you see it with your own eyes and hear it with your own ears.

3. Sheeple who are easily gulled by either #1 or #2 above.

4. Bureaucrats, one and all. Bureaucracies are made up either of people who want to do good (regardless of whether the people they want to do good to want their interference or not–and almost always with someone else’s money, not their own) and people who are there simply to build their own lil kingdom, persecute the people the bureaucracy supposedly exists to serve, etc. Pournelle’s Iron Law of Bureaucracies is an axiom so blindly optimistic, it could have been written by Pollyanna.

5. SPAM. Need I say more? No? Well, I will anyway. What purpose do SPAMmers serve in the world? As evidence of the devolution of man? As a means of thinning the herd, as more and more folks stroke out while blowing their tops in reaction to SPAM? Thinning th3e herd of dumbasses who waste money responding to SPAM suckering them to spend their grocery money on penis enhancement, fake pain killers and pr0n? Bah. SPAMmers ought to one and all be jacklighted and offered a shotgun wedding with Mr. Fether, officiated by Dr. Tarr, while the SPAMmer shows off the latest fashion in hemp neckties, displayed by the SPAMmer’s rotting corpse swinging from the nearest tree… But I’m not bitter… No, not this guy… *heh*

6. Stupid drivers. By that I mean just about 95% of ALL the drivers I see on the road. Seriously. No idea what size the vehicle they’re driving is or where it is on the road. Traffic? What traffic? Other vehicles, pedestrians, obstacles? WHAT other vehicles, pedestrians or obstacles? Totally clueless, oblivious to the world around them, driving along in their own lil reality-based fantasy world, yaking on their cells, curdling milk in scattered herds of cows with their over-powered stereos and baffle-pulled mufflers, entering s-l-o-w-l-y into traffic, then changing lanes into the fast lane to drive even more slowly–or else the reverse. Arrrgggghhhh! There are too many really execrably bad drivers (and execrably bad driving habits/behaviors) to ennumerate them all. Ever.

7. Dog owners who let their dogs run loose. While, sadly, the dogs of such owners usually end up needing to be put down, it is their owners who should be euthanized. Dogs running loose are just pests. Often dangerous pests, but always pests, at least, if not controlled. As a local mayor here in America’s Third World County told me when I described (as I had to the sheriff’s deputies and the local cops) how some folks in our neighborhood let their dog run loose, “Just shoot it and say you thought it was a coyote.” Unfortunately, that does little to teach the irresponsible dog owner the error of his ways. Be nice of laws allowed shooting the irresponsible dog owner. THAT would solve the problem… Unfortunately, there’s the problem of

8. Stupid laws. Commonsense laws would have such as the irresponsible dog owners who let their dogs run loose punished. Significantly, so as to make a SERIOUS impression that such irresponsible behavior is not a good thing. Take those puppies and rub their noses in their dogs’ messes until the brown never washes off. Stupid laws, like the one that was used to frame Martha Stewart when the feds realized she hadn’t engaged in insider trading or ANY law that lets bureaucrats set guidelines, penalties and regulations. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Das buros will ALWAYS use such badly-written, “plausibly deniable” laws to persecute common citizens. Always.

9. Optimists. What ever are they thinking? OK, maybe in the long run things will work out for good. But you can bet that neither you nor I will be around to see it when things do work out for good.

10. “Victims”—all the fake “victims” who populate our society today. Everyone from the apparent majority of persons claiming to be (or being claimed as) “minorities” who are “owed” special priviledges in a society where equality of rights is an ever more maginalized fiction to… politicians, Mass Media Podpeople and criminals (but I repeat myself) who claim some popular devil du jour made ’em do whatever they got caught doing. Poster boy for soi disant victimhood this week is Mark “I was abused as a child, so it’s not my fault I’m a sexual predator” Foley. Dip him in in a cesspool (oops! Redundancy alert: he’s been in Congress how long? He’s willingly—eagerly—marinated in that cesspool for years.) and light the fire. He’d still not be a real victim.

11. My new “neighbors” and all their trailer park trash ilk. Gee, why can’t they all move to a trailer park on the outskirts of Las Vegas? (At least one of the local gossips has—unwittingly on her part—helped me “manage” these goons into pseudo-civilized behavior. Between the mushrooming effects of the local rumor mill and several calls by four or five vehicles full of sheriff’s deputies, and full knowledge that I have been recording their misbehavior—”Let me introduce you to my lil frien’ the videocam…”—they seem to have calmed down a bit.)

12. Skateboarders. Yeh. Here in America’s Third world County they’re a menace. First of all, they all have crappy equipment. Second, it seems like they’re all the stoner kids, so they have crappy reflexes and an even crappier connection to anything approaching common sense. And attention span? Gnats have better attention spans. Whether one is driving or walking, one has to be ready to dodge these lamebrains. I try to think of the skateboard as a way of ameliorating the counter-evolutionary trend of our ever more nanny state society, but if I ever let myself remove one of these cretins from the face of the earth, I’d be in for more trouble that it’s worth, so I just hope someone else miscalculates dodging a loose skateboarder or three. Their mothers ought one and all to have practiced conception control. The unborn (and darned near everyone else already born) would have blessed them.

13. Gas prices. No, not just that they’re so high when the Saudis have a $5 lifting cost and are raking in the billions, leaving them free to be the world’s largest financers of terrorism (and GWB a liar for saying he’d go after ANY state that encouraged, financed or harbored terrorists). No, I’ve been griped at gas pricing for at least 40 years. What’s with that stupid $X.XX.9 thing? $2.05.9 is $2.06. Screw that stupid “.9” cents. Chap my gizzard.

Noted at Thursday Thirteen.