Category: Blame it on the voices in my head–I do

I mean, seriously, how can you even acquire a target that doesn’t exist? Aim at a donut hole in a non-existent donut? At a zero with the rim kicked off? No, really.

*heh*

Oh, well, absinthe makes the heart race, or something like that…

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In other news, while I like the service in general, Amazon really, really, really needs to take a look at its Cloud Drive limitations. I mean, download only ONE file at a time? Really? How very… 20th Century. For example, whenever I get another 100 or so mp3s stored there, it’d be handy to download ’em in one batch (for local archiving locally, transferring to a super small 8GB mp3 player–for use while doing yardwork, etc., where the Kindle Fire might *cough* not be the right device, etc.) rather than one. At. A. Time. Just sayin’, Amazon…

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If you like Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum–or even merely like to read the S. Plum books in order to mock the “life” of a fictional character whose “life” is more dysfunctional than your own *heh*–you might like the less dysfunctional female sleuth found in Dani Amore’s Death By Sarcasm. Some folks might be put off a tad by the constant, repetitious, almost metronomical (notice the scesis onomaton? *heh*) sarcasm–weak, middlin’ and somewhat fierce but constant, unending, continual. OTOH, I liked it. 🙂 Unfortunately for my tiny lil tightwad heart, it was good enough that I’ll soon crack open my coin purse to cough up a carrot ($0.99) for the author. I like to encourage good writing, and the author’s second book (Dead Wood) is also better than some (*cough* Evanovich *cough*) books I’ve paid much more for.

Fun stuff, Maynard. The second novel noted above doesn’t include never-ending lame jokes to accent an overarching ironic theme–perhaps a plus for some–but does have one small structural weakness in the plot. It wasn’t enough to cause anything but a minor pause in my devouring of the book. A $0.99 murder mystery of the caliber of either of these books is a crime… against support of good writing.

So, you’ve heard of “rapture pet services”? No? Well, essentially, it’s this scam where self-proclaimed atheists (or pagans, no real theological difference there to the targeted market) who go around to Christian churches or other groups that embrace a pre-tribulation dispensationalist eschatology that teaches that Christ’s return will be heralded by a sudden disappearance of Christians who are “taken” ahead of His return. These con men sell pet care for the pets these folks believe will be left behind.

This seems like a perfect gig for WalMart. Souless corporation (no “rapture” there!) with plenty of pagan/atheist Chicom slaves to export Christians’ pet to for “care”. Bonus: can probably get the Chicoms to pay for the additions to their stew pots, if the event ever comes to pass.

Win-win-win. Pre-trib (most likely segment to be conned) groups will have a salve for their consciences, WallyWorld will continue its march to World Domination and a bunch of hungry Chinese kids will go to bed with full stomachs.

Silly wabbit. Yogurt says “yogurt” on the label. Duh.

Clearly, if we had people like this in Congress and the White House, it’d be a massive improvement in talent, intelligence and wholesome contribution to our society–especially if this were how they spent their time instead of engaging in plots to convert citizens into subjects.

Unfortunately, a less-talented outlaw mariachi version of this is what we may have to look forward to as the highest standard of “feddle gummint” rulers within a couple of decades.

This year, instead of decorating a tree, why not string lights and tinsel on the work piled up on your desk, or spread holly and ivy over that sink full of dirty dishes or decorate the stack of laundry sitting in the laundry basket?

Win-win-win-win…

…or at least “fine” them for calling. While it might inconvenience some callers you might want to speak with, having your only phone forward to a 900 number (in your company’s name–“Telemarketers, Welcome!” or some such) that charges $5 or $10 a minute might–just maybe–hold down the number of telemarketing calls you would receive.

And you could always offer your mom a refund.

…and to all, a heartfelt shafting.

Well, it’s that time of year once again, when a national jewelry chain runs its ads with advice on how to please prostitutes. You know the ads,

“Every kiss begins with [an expensive gift of jewelery from said jewelery chain]”

So, just remember guys, if you have to pay for it–beginning with “every kiss”–you’re just a John being serviced by a whore. Just keep in mind what this jewelry chain says this season is really all about (and wait for February when it’ll remind you how to pay for Valentine’s Day “kisses”).

Don’t you just love public service minded companies like this one?

Continue reading “Happy Hookers to All…”

You’ve probably heard it said, “You never see the bullet that takes you down,” but does that mean you do see the ones that miss? I mean, bullets are pretty darned small and move really fast. Heck, star baseball players with really, really great batting averages can just (really) see only most of the balls pitched their way–the absolute greatest only hit in the 40% range–and baseballs are much, much larger than bullets, and the fastest fastballs travel less than 1/5 the rate of speed of a “slow” .45.

And most pitches are not aimed at the batter, so looking at the balls isn’t quite so dangerous. *heh*

I dunno… “seeing” the bullets that miss would seem to be a low probability event. 🙂